We are both Jewish. I am Ashkenazi. He is Persian. I like Noodle Kugal and he likes Chormeh Sabzi. I will not eat rice during Passover whereas he does. I kick my legs in the air and dance in a circle. He rolls his tongue at the top of his mouth while motioning his hands in a rhythmic way. Even with some of these cultural differences, we are both equal in our observance in keeping the Sabbath and kashut.
I have never dated someone who is of Sephardic origin, although I have friends and cousins whom are Iraqi, Moroccan, etc. Many questions have arisen since dating R, such as, can we intertwine our cultures? Should I secretly learn Farsi to understand what his family is saying about me?
Through my research I discovered that the biggest difference between Ashkenazi and Persian culture is family closeness. Both of our families live within a thirty-mile radius; however, he visits his family every weekend. There isn’t a question whether he is going to be there. I, on the other hand see my family maybe once a month. I have a choice.
In my opinion, some of the interesting features of intergrading the Ashkenazi and Persian culture are the language and the food. For example, my cousin who married into an Iraqi family some forty years ago, has four children. They were raised with both the Sephardic and Ashkenazi traditions. My cousins grew up speaking Yiddish, Hebrew and Arabic. When my female cousin got married, she had a traditional Sephardic wedding with a henna ceremony as well as the ceremony where the bride and groom circle each other and break the glass.
Part of being in a relationship is learning about each other’s cultures. I look forward to eating Baba Ganush and speaking Farsi as well as teaching R to like Gefilta Fish.
It is with some remorse that I tell you that my time has come to end writing the singles column. It is not because I am in a relationship, but exciting events are happening in my life. I am graduating Northeastern University in August with a Masters of Science in Leadership. I am also privileged to attend the Diplomatic Leadership Seminar through the Ministry of Foreign Affairs in Jerusalem this summer. Thank you to the readers of the Jewish Advocate for your great ideas and feedback. Hopefully, one day my picture will be in the celebration section of the Jewish Advocate. Shalom my friends and best of luck to you finding the perfect date!
Friday, June 1, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
First Milestone
“Fine, I’m not going to talk to you all day tomorrow.” I exclaimed to Ruben over the phone. “Ya right! I bet you can’t hold to that promise.” Ruben stated sarcastically back to me. “Oh ya, you want to see? Goodnight.”
I threw the phone on the bed, stomped off to the bathroom, and cursed under my breath. The phrase never go to bed angry now makes sense because it only creates dark circles under ones eyes.
Ruben and I hit our first milestone, the first fight, however, it is worse over the phone because of unknown body language and no eye contact. For a relationship to bloom it is imperative to fight. Through my Masters program I learned that for a team to become a High Performing team they need to go through four stages: Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing. Without the storming stage a relationship, whether professional or personal, won’t move to the next level of understanding each other which is vital for the success of a relationship.
The next day, being the stubborn, hot-headed Scorpion woman I am, I did not call, text or email Ruben. It was hard at first but I found that I was more productive than usual at work and at home. That night I turned off my cell phone and left it at home while I went for a long walk around Brookline. I contemplated why after a long time of not having that special person to talk to everyday, it was hard for me to miss one day of not having some sort of contact with Ruben. I guess it is because I kind of care about him.
Anyway, I stuck to my word and did not contact him, however, he missed me a lot and texted me that night while I was watching my show. I told him I would call him after my show was over. Through this milestone Ruben and I learned a lot about each others communications styles, thresholds and how both of our stubborn personalities hinder our communication. The only aspect of this fight that is missing is the makeup kiss. I guess it will have to wait until I see him in a couple of weeks.
I threw the phone on the bed, stomped off to the bathroom, and cursed under my breath. The phrase never go to bed angry now makes sense because it only creates dark circles under ones eyes.
Ruben and I hit our first milestone, the first fight, however, it is worse over the phone because of unknown body language and no eye contact. For a relationship to bloom it is imperative to fight. Through my Masters program I learned that for a team to become a High Performing team they need to go through four stages: Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing. Without the storming stage a relationship, whether professional or personal, won’t move to the next level of understanding each other which is vital for the success of a relationship.
The next day, being the stubborn, hot-headed Scorpion woman I am, I did not call, text or email Ruben. It was hard at first but I found that I was more productive than usual at work and at home. That night I turned off my cell phone and left it at home while I went for a long walk around Brookline. I contemplated why after a long time of not having that special person to talk to everyday, it was hard for me to miss one day of not having some sort of contact with Ruben. I guess it is because I kind of care about him.
Anyway, I stuck to my word and did not contact him, however, he missed me a lot and texted me that night while I was watching my show. I told him I would call him after my show was over. Through this milestone Ruben and I learned a lot about each others communications styles, thresholds and how both of our stubborn personalities hinder our communication. The only aspect of this fight that is missing is the makeup kiss. I guess it will have to wait until I see him in a couple of weeks.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Making Eyes
Eyes are the gateway to the soul. This past weekend I attended a beautiful wedding. The couple did not have to say I love you to each other because I could see it in their eyes. Just by their eye contact I knew how much they cared for each other and that they were happy to be together.
Eye contact is a nonverbal form of communication that is of outmost importance when engaging in conversation whether on a date or in an interview. Pupils dilate when a person is aroused and studies have proven that people with dilated pupils are more attractive. As one of my coworkers mentioned, making eyes at someone across the room draws you to that person and gives you a glimpse of their magnetic personality. Eye contact is an essential part to a good date. If there is a lack of eye contact, then the date can go horribly bad.
My roommate, Erica, came home irritated the other night because Josh, a guy she has gone on a couple of dates with, looked at her in the eye only a hand full of times during their two hour date. Josh was facing the door and Erica was facing the back of the restaurant. Josh kept on looking past Erica at people going in and out of the door and at the people seated around him. He seemed distracted and inattentive to Erica. Erica asked him if there was something wrong. He said no, and shrugged his shoulders while looking down to cut into a piece of chicken. Erica knew from the lack of eye contact that there was not going to be another wasted evening with Josh. His lack of eye contact was unattractive, but also she knew his attention did not lye on her.
You don’t have to be an intuitive person to understand where your date’s or significant other’s attention is. All you have to do is follow their eyes. How do you act or what do you say when their eyes are focused on another person or the door? Do you imitate them and not give them the satisfaction of attentiveness? Through research, a.k.a. asking my friends, the conclusion is, make it into a joke. Laugh it off and that way you won’t come home irritated like Erica.
Eye contact is a nonverbal form of communication that is of outmost importance when engaging in conversation whether on a date or in an interview. Pupils dilate when a person is aroused and studies have proven that people with dilated pupils are more attractive. As one of my coworkers mentioned, making eyes at someone across the room draws you to that person and gives you a glimpse of their magnetic personality. Eye contact is an essential part to a good date. If there is a lack of eye contact, then the date can go horribly bad.
My roommate, Erica, came home irritated the other night because Josh, a guy she has gone on a couple of dates with, looked at her in the eye only a hand full of times during their two hour date. Josh was facing the door and Erica was facing the back of the restaurant. Josh kept on looking past Erica at people going in and out of the door and at the people seated around him. He seemed distracted and inattentive to Erica. Erica asked him if there was something wrong. He said no, and shrugged his shoulders while looking down to cut into a piece of chicken. Erica knew from the lack of eye contact that there was not going to be another wasted evening with Josh. His lack of eye contact was unattractive, but also she knew his attention did not lye on her.
You don’t have to be an intuitive person to understand where your date’s or significant other’s attention is. All you have to do is follow their eyes. How do you act or what do you say when their eyes are focused on another person or the door? Do you imitate them and not give them the satisfaction of attentiveness? Through research, a.k.a. asking my friends, the conclusion is, make it into a joke. Laugh it off and that way you won’t come home irritated like Erica.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Googler beware
“Hey Esther, I don’t know if you remember me, but we met Saturday night. I hope this is your email, I googled you. Email me back if this is you and I would like to get together this week. – Todd”
The internet has changed the way we date, who we date, and how we research someone we are going on a date with. When I got the email from Todd I felt my personal life invaded, however I google guys that I meet to gain knowledge about them therefore I can not complain that I feel my personal life meddled in; although my personal life is known by all Jewish Advocate readers. To what extent has Google, Myspace and Facebook changed the way we date? Is the internet too invasive in our personal life?
Through searching google I have found people’s dissertations, college photos, resumes, and place of employment. I have not found anything too weird but I have heard stories of people finding disturbing photos and past employment.
The internet can be as invasive as you make it. CNN.com had an article last week about googling a date which stated one should take the information gathered on google with a grain of salt and be ready to handle information that can be disturbing. A person can be very excited about a person they met but if they google them and find something that concerns them they have to be prepared how to process that new found information.
So I googled Todd and found that his place of employment is legit, his high school running times and a research grant he wrote for a biology class. However, there was a reason I did not give Todd my contact information. Even if I was not dating R, Todd was parve. Also, when finding someone on google that you met at an event or bar, do not tell them you googled them. It is a tad on the stocker side.
Has google diminished the “old fashion way” of gathering information? About five years ago people started researching each other through google instead of conversing with each other about their lives. I use google as a tool but not as an indicator of the person’s likes and dislikes, personality, or pass judgment on their google outcomes.
The internet has changed the way we date, who we date, and how we research someone we are going on a date with. When I got the email from Todd I felt my personal life invaded, however I google guys that I meet to gain knowledge about them therefore I can not complain that I feel my personal life meddled in; although my personal life is known by all Jewish Advocate readers. To what extent has Google, Myspace and Facebook changed the way we date? Is the internet too invasive in our personal life?
Through searching google I have found people’s dissertations, college photos, resumes, and place of employment. I have not found anything too weird but I have heard stories of people finding disturbing photos and past employment.
The internet can be as invasive as you make it. CNN.com had an article last week about googling a date which stated one should take the information gathered on google with a grain of salt and be ready to handle information that can be disturbing. A person can be very excited about a person they met but if they google them and find something that concerns them they have to be prepared how to process that new found information.
So I googled Todd and found that his place of employment is legit, his high school running times and a research grant he wrote for a biology class. However, there was a reason I did not give Todd my contact information. Even if I was not dating R, Todd was parve. Also, when finding someone on google that you met at an event or bar, do not tell them you googled them. It is a tad on the stocker side.
Has google diminished the “old fashion way” of gathering information? About five years ago people started researching each other through google instead of conversing with each other about their lives. I use google as a tool but not as an indicator of the person’s likes and dislikes, personality, or pass judgment on their google outcomes.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
My life as a Golden Girl
One of my goals in life is to be a Golden Girl. Growing up, I faithfully watched Blanche, Rose, Sophia and Dorothy every Sunday night and thought to myself how nice it would be to live in Florida with my camp friends when I retire. Research shows that women live longer than men and though I haven’t met my husband yet, I’ve already come to terms that he will probably die before me and what better way to spend the latter part of my life than laughing with friends?
Last Friday night, I had the honor to speak at Temple Sons of Israel in Peabody about lessons I’ve learned through my singles journey. While schmoozing with the congregation during Oneg Shabbat a few older-aged women shared with me their struggles with finding datable men who want the long-term commitment. At first I was shocked by their challenges but I realized regardless of age, most women just want a sense of companionship. While on my way home, I began envisioning my life as a single Golden Girl having the same battles with dating as I’m having right now.
I know that Blanche was not the most pristine woman and Rose had difficulty with dating after her husband passed, but I never thought beyond their laughable antics, to the lonely side without male companionship. I think of the ‘Golden Girl’ stage as a period of carefree, enjoyable times with grandchildren and mahjong, but being a 75 year old woman, searching internet dating sites is not something I want to be doing in my Floridian retirement community.
Older men may want younger women but age doesn’t matter when you’re young at heart. My concerns about who I date are different then a 75 year old woman’s. Whereas I’m looking for someone to start a family with, they’re looking for someone they can enjoy their remaining years with.
My current boyfriend ‘R’ informed me that his great-grandfather lived until he was 112 years old. Perhaps if our relationship progresses and we end up tying the knot, I may not live that charmed single Golden Girl life that Blanche, Rose, Sophia and Dorothy lead but instead grow old with my future husband, which I guess wouldn’t be so bad.
Last Friday night, I had the honor to speak at Temple Sons of Israel in Peabody about lessons I’ve learned through my singles journey. While schmoozing with the congregation during Oneg Shabbat a few older-aged women shared with me their struggles with finding datable men who want the long-term commitment. At first I was shocked by their challenges but I realized regardless of age, most women just want a sense of companionship. While on my way home, I began envisioning my life as a single Golden Girl having the same battles with dating as I’m having right now.
I know that Blanche was not the most pristine woman and Rose had difficulty with dating after her husband passed, but I never thought beyond their laughable antics, to the lonely side without male companionship. I think of the ‘Golden Girl’ stage as a period of carefree, enjoyable times with grandchildren and mahjong, but being a 75 year old woman, searching internet dating sites is not something I want to be doing in my Floridian retirement community.
Older men may want younger women but age doesn’t matter when you’re young at heart. My concerns about who I date are different then a 75 year old woman’s. Whereas I’m looking for someone to start a family with, they’re looking for someone they can enjoy their remaining years with.
My current boyfriend ‘R’ informed me that his great-grandfather lived until he was 112 years old. Perhaps if our relationship progresses and we end up tying the knot, I may not live that charmed single Golden Girl life that Blanche, Rose, Sophia and Dorothy lead but instead grow old with my future husband, which I guess wouldn’t be so bad.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
The B Word
“This is Sarah, leave a message”. “Hey Sarah, this is Esther, your cousin from Boston. I am in LA visiting my boyfriend and friends and was wondering if you are around so we can see each other. Give me a call back when you have a chance.” As I said the B word R’s head spun around and he gave me a big smile. “So I am your boyfriend?” R asked me with a grin on his face. “Well, do you consider me your girlfriend?” I answered.
It has been a couple of years since the B word came into my life and usually it makes me anxious, but as I heard it come out of my mouth, it felt right to say that R is my boyfriend. Usually to get to the girlfriend and boyfriend stage there is a process. The first stage is meeting and going on a few dates. At this phase it is okay to go on dates with other people and you know in this period if you want to continue going on dates or say “I’m all set”. However, once past the phase of dating you move onto “seeing each other”. This constitutes as you are not actively seeking anyone else to date but you are not meeting the family yet. After a couple of months of “seeing each other” usually the B or G word pops up in random conversation or introductions.
“Yes.” R replied.
My trip to LA went fabulously. R and I went to Disney, shopped on Rodeo Drive, walked the Pier in Santa Monica, strolled the beaches of Malibu and spend hours talking about life. Although all of these activities sound amazing and enjoyable, I did get to experience R’s real life. It is important to be aware when in a long distance relationship that each person needs gets to know the “real” individual within these short visits. Vacation can jade reality but because R had to work and take care of his family I was able to better understand him in different situations.
As much as I anticipated this trip to LA, I anticipate upcoming trips with even more excitement. The heartache of leaving was overwhelming but I know with time R and I will be able to be together.
It has been a couple of years since the B word came into my life and usually it makes me anxious, but as I heard it come out of my mouth, it felt right to say that R is my boyfriend. Usually to get to the girlfriend and boyfriend stage there is a process. The first stage is meeting and going on a few dates. At this phase it is okay to go on dates with other people and you know in this period if you want to continue going on dates or say “I’m all set”. However, once past the phase of dating you move onto “seeing each other”. This constitutes as you are not actively seeking anyone else to date but you are not meeting the family yet. After a couple of months of “seeing each other” usually the B or G word pops up in random conversation or introductions.
“Yes.” R replied.
My trip to LA went fabulously. R and I went to Disney, shopped on Rodeo Drive, walked the Pier in Santa Monica, strolled the beaches of Malibu and spend hours talking about life. Although all of these activities sound amazing and enjoyable, I did get to experience R’s real life. It is important to be aware when in a long distance relationship that each person needs gets to know the “real” individual within these short visits. Vacation can jade reality but because R had to work and take care of his family I was able to better understand him in different situations.
As much as I anticipated this trip to LA, I anticipate upcoming trips with even more excitement. The heartache of leaving was overwhelming but I know with time R and I will be able to be together.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Mom's Advice
“Esther, get into the pool right now!” My mother called out. “No, Ma. I am really at a great part in this chapter.” I responded. “Esther, but he’s cute, and he looks about your age.” As I smiled at my mother through my sunglasses, she sat adjacent to me on her lounge chair, cheerfully contented.
While I enjoy visiting long weekend vacations since my mother, the former Singles Director of the Jewish Federation of the North Shore, who still thinks she’s Yenta the Matchmaker, moved to Palm Beach a couple of years ago after getting remarried. There are times I just want some peace and quiet.
I unwillingly put down my book. Since I started dating, my mother has always advised me to take whatever opportunities are available at that particular moment. So I knew enough not to kvetch and I jumped into the pool.
As I swam the crawl stroke I popped up beside him. I introduce myself. We start talking about the Florida weather, the beautiful community our parents live in, et cetera, et cetera. When I started to notice my fingers wrinkling up, I hardly noticed that Aaron and I were the only ones left in the pool. Aaron is 31, lives in upstate New York and is pursuing a PhD in a field that sounds very complicating. We decided to skip the early bird dinner with our respective parents and drove into downtown Delray Beach where young professionals hang out. We enjoyed an evening of conversation and dancing. I had a really nice time, but unfortunately there is no future with Aaron. As my younger sister would say, “he is geographically undesirable”, but it was interesting to meet a great guy.
From this dating experience I have learned that a mother can give good guidance. It is funny how we sometimes think our parents are from another planet when it comes to dating and relationships but in reality they can give valuable advice. Although, I literally needed to be pushed into the pool that afternoon, who knows, Aaron could be geographically desirable for one of my friends. Thanks Mom!
While I enjoy visiting long weekend vacations since my mother, the former Singles Director of the Jewish Federation of the North Shore, who still thinks she’s Yenta the Matchmaker, moved to Palm Beach a couple of years ago after getting remarried. There are times I just want some peace and quiet.
I unwillingly put down my book. Since I started dating, my mother has always advised me to take whatever opportunities are available at that particular moment. So I knew enough not to kvetch and I jumped into the pool.
As I swam the crawl stroke I popped up beside him. I introduce myself. We start talking about the Florida weather, the beautiful community our parents live in, et cetera, et cetera. When I started to notice my fingers wrinkling up, I hardly noticed that Aaron and I were the only ones left in the pool. Aaron is 31, lives in upstate New York and is pursuing a PhD in a field that sounds very complicating. We decided to skip the early bird dinner with our respective parents and drove into downtown Delray Beach where young professionals hang out. We enjoyed an evening of conversation and dancing. I had a really nice time, but unfortunately there is no future with Aaron. As my younger sister would say, “he is geographically undesirable”, but it was interesting to meet a great guy.
From this dating experience I have learned that a mother can give good guidance. It is funny how we sometimes think our parents are from another planet when it comes to dating and relationships but in reality they can give valuable advice. Although, I literally needed to be pushed into the pool that afternoon, who knows, Aaron could be geographically desirable for one of my friends. Thanks Mom!
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Is he just Parve?
My friend went on a few dates with a nice Jewish boy. He has a good personality, smart, and treats her respectfully. He is a Jewish mother’s dream. However, to my friend, he is just Parve.
As someone that grew up not ever tasting real ice-cream or pizza due to my dairy allergy, I’m familiar with parve. I accept its blandness and I look forward to a nice piece of chocolate parve cake. Yet, while I accept the lack of sensation so inherent to “pareveness” I also know that the way I feel about my parve cookie is nothing compared to how it must feel taste crème brulee or a rich, creamy cheesecake. I am not saying I settle for a parve guy, but maybe I accept a parve dessert more than most. You need to give parve a second chance because maybe it is top-notch parve.
What is a parve person? It is someone who you keep around to pass the time. You can’t find anything wrong but he doesn’t excite you. A parve guy, you go on a date with when you have nothing else to do that night and you don’t want to cook. Parve is someone that is neither really attractive nor really funny and when it comes to breaking it off with him there are no real reasons but just that he is parve.
The other day, my roommate was craving chocolate, and she debated going out to the store in the rain or settling for one of the parve cookies I keep in the house. She ended up eating one of them but was not satisfied. She went to bed unfulfilled and the next day bought a Snickers Bar. A parve guy will not satisfy a craving, he’ll only stave it off.
We have all been on dates with parve people and I know for someone else, they’ll be full of “milk and honey”. So what is my friend doing about her parve guy? She knows he is around after a meat meal which is why she is not saying to him “I am all set with you.” However, my advice to anyone that is stringing a parve person along because they have nothing better to do, let him or her go. It is not fair to either of you and time is being wasted. As for me, R is Chocolate Mousse! Happy Passover
As someone that grew up not ever tasting real ice-cream or pizza due to my dairy allergy, I’m familiar with parve. I accept its blandness and I look forward to a nice piece of chocolate parve cake. Yet, while I accept the lack of sensation so inherent to “pareveness” I also know that the way I feel about my parve cookie is nothing compared to how it must feel taste crème brulee or a rich, creamy cheesecake. I am not saying I settle for a parve guy, but maybe I accept a parve dessert more than most. You need to give parve a second chance because maybe it is top-notch parve.
What is a parve person? It is someone who you keep around to pass the time. You can’t find anything wrong but he doesn’t excite you. A parve guy, you go on a date with when you have nothing else to do that night and you don’t want to cook. Parve is someone that is neither really attractive nor really funny and when it comes to breaking it off with him there are no real reasons but just that he is parve.
The other day, my roommate was craving chocolate, and she debated going out to the store in the rain or settling for one of the parve cookies I keep in the house. She ended up eating one of them but was not satisfied. She went to bed unfulfilled and the next day bought a Snickers Bar. A parve guy will not satisfy a craving, he’ll only stave it off.
We have all been on dates with parve people and I know for someone else, they’ll be full of “milk and honey”. So what is my friend doing about her parve guy? She knows he is around after a meat meal which is why she is not saying to him “I am all set with you.” However, my advice to anyone that is stringing a parve person along because they have nothing better to do, let him or her go. It is not fair to either of you and time is being wasted. As for me, R is Chocolate Mousse! Happy Passover
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Long Distance
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Right? My boss, Shawn, is a perfect example of a successful long distance relationship. He met Jessica at a conference years ago; he lived in Texas and she lived in Michigan. The end of their story is that they are now happily married and have a baby boy but with living hundreds of miles apart, how did they make their long distance relationship thrive?
As I was speaking with my friend Melanie this past week we were discussing her new long distance relationship with Aaron. He is based in Atlanta and she in Boston, only a two hour plane ride and the same time zone. Melanie’s story is unique. She met Aaron via the Internet and flew down to see him in Atlanta one random weekend. From their conversations and brief time spent together, her instincts told her Aaron was a genuine guy and she started a long distance relationship with Aaron.
I’ve just taken the plunge into my very first long distance relationship with ‘R’ whom I met at a conference a couple of weeks ago. A relationship with someone that lives in the next town or even 30 minutes away can be an ordeal but the challenge of a long distance relationship takes an extreme amount of trust, dedication and mental satisfaction. A hug, a glance or even a smile can make a world of difference with your significant other, but, when that person is not a drive away then the necessary physical intimacy becomes something that is longed for and desired.
I’m finding that being in a long distance relationship is refreshing because I know ‘R’ truly likes me for the person I am and not his sexual desires. Also, the excitement of seeing each other is extraordinary. I have never looked forward to jumping into someone's arms and hugging him as much as I am when I fly to California for Passover.
Everyone thinks I am crazy for several reasons, but mainly because I have only known R for a couple of weeks and he lives three thousand miles away. Maybe I am crazy, but maybe this is the beginning to a successful long distance relationship.
As I was speaking with my friend Melanie this past week we were discussing her new long distance relationship with Aaron. He is based in Atlanta and she in Boston, only a two hour plane ride and the same time zone. Melanie’s story is unique. She met Aaron via the Internet and flew down to see him in Atlanta one random weekend. From their conversations and brief time spent together, her instincts told her Aaron was a genuine guy and she started a long distance relationship with Aaron.
I’ve just taken the plunge into my very first long distance relationship with ‘R’ whom I met at a conference a couple of weeks ago. A relationship with someone that lives in the next town or even 30 minutes away can be an ordeal but the challenge of a long distance relationship takes an extreme amount of trust, dedication and mental satisfaction. A hug, a glance or even a smile can make a world of difference with your significant other, but, when that person is not a drive away then the necessary physical intimacy becomes something that is longed for and desired.
I’m finding that being in a long distance relationship is refreshing because I know ‘R’ truly likes me for the person I am and not his sexual desires. Also, the excitement of seeing each other is extraordinary. I have never looked forward to jumping into someone's arms and hugging him as much as I am when I fly to California for Passover.
Everyone thinks I am crazy for several reasons, but mainly because I have only known R for a couple of weeks and he lives three thousand miles away. Maybe I am crazy, but maybe this is the beginning to a successful long distance relationship.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Potential at a Conference
Do you want to know what my heaven is like? It is two thousand eligible bachelors in suits advocating for Israel. For the past three days I attended the AIPAC Policy Conference in Washington D.C. Along with learning valuable information about the American-Israel relationship and pro-Israel political activism I was able to scope out potential future boyfriends, a husband or boss. It is ideal place because everyone is automatically connected through shared interests and ideas.
The noticeable difference between people I met at the AIPAC conference and the usual Jewish single, young adult crowd is the quality of people. Each individual cares deeply about Israel and is willing and able to miss two days of work and spend a grand to better their knowledge and understanding of Israeli public affairs. Another enlightening aspect of this conference is realizing how big the Young Adult Jewish community is because in Boston the communities feels smaller and smaller to me because I go to most of the events and know a lot of people.
A big part of this conference is schmoozing, which is one of my strengths, but it can be tiring. In a swarm of young adults at the bar I got my first moment to sit back and observe the crowd. I sat with three friends from Boston who were talking with three other delegates from Los Angeles. I happened to sit next to “R”. I did not notice R at first, but we sparked conversation and it was like no one else was in the room besides us the rest of the night. R’s Jewishness level and political viewpoints are the same as mine and we connected on a mental and emotional level. I am finally WOWed by a guy. The challenge that R lives in LA and I live in Boston is something that I am not thinking about right now because I will be in LA in a few weeks for Passover. The thought of seeing him in a few weeks puts a smile on my face. Besides meeting R and gaining an abundance of knowledge I had a chance to hear and meet government officials and influential people in the political sphere. These past three days were a well worth whirl-win.
The noticeable difference between people I met at the AIPAC conference and the usual Jewish single, young adult crowd is the quality of people. Each individual cares deeply about Israel and is willing and able to miss two days of work and spend a grand to better their knowledge and understanding of Israeli public affairs. Another enlightening aspect of this conference is realizing how big the Young Adult Jewish community is because in Boston the communities feels smaller and smaller to me because I go to most of the events and know a lot of people.
A big part of this conference is schmoozing, which is one of my strengths, but it can be tiring. In a swarm of young adults at the bar I got my first moment to sit back and observe the crowd. I sat with three friends from Boston who were talking with three other delegates from Los Angeles. I happened to sit next to “R”. I did not notice R at first, but we sparked conversation and it was like no one else was in the room besides us the rest of the night. R’s Jewishness level and political viewpoints are the same as mine and we connected on a mental and emotional level. I am finally WOWed by a guy. The challenge that R lives in LA and I live in Boston is something that I am not thinking about right now because I will be in LA in a few weeks for Passover. The thought of seeing him in a few weeks puts a smile on my face. Besides meeting R and gaining an abundance of knowledge I had a chance to hear and meet government officials and influential people in the political sphere. These past three days were a well worth whirl-win.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Learning from Success
When I was a little girl my fantasy of falling in love and dating was easy and beautiful. However as a young adult I don’t know if my Knight wearing a shining Jewish star is going to whisk me off my feet and it will be love at first sight. I do have recent dating experiences to report on but I did some research this week on successful couples and their stories. Their stories made me think about life expectations and paths.
My friend’s cousin, Rachel, met her husband online. A common story now a days but her tale is a bit different as their paths had to cross a second time before they formed a relationship. After a couple dates with her now husband, Matthew, Rachel decided that she was just not that into him. Rachel and Matthew went their separate ways for six months and then randomly bumped into him in the North End one day. They agreed to meet up which was the beginning of their romance. Matthew and Rachel got married a year ago and are very happy.
My favorite story, which as a young girl we all dream of, is the story of my friend Shira. Shira and Yoni were set up by friends. Shira was sitting at the bar when Yoni walked in and at that moment Shira saw her life with him flash before her eyes. Shira and Yoni talked for hours staring into each others eyes, laughing and talking. They both knew at that moment that they were destined to be together. Shira and Yoni have been married for five years and have two children.
There are times I want a fortune teller to predict who, when and where I’m going to meet my beshert. The little girl in me wants the fairy tale, but the realist in me understands the complications of dating. I believe that people come into your life at certain points for a reason. Six months before, Rachel and Matthew were not ready for a relationship but because there is a bigger picture that we are unaware of, their paths crossed again and fate guided them together.
My friend’s cousin, Rachel, met her husband online. A common story now a days but her tale is a bit different as their paths had to cross a second time before they formed a relationship. After a couple dates with her now husband, Matthew, Rachel decided that she was just not that into him. Rachel and Matthew went their separate ways for six months and then randomly bumped into him in the North End one day. They agreed to meet up which was the beginning of their romance. Matthew and Rachel got married a year ago and are very happy.
My favorite story, which as a young girl we all dream of, is the story of my friend Shira. Shira and Yoni were set up by friends. Shira was sitting at the bar when Yoni walked in and at that moment Shira saw her life with him flash before her eyes. Shira and Yoni talked for hours staring into each others eyes, laughing and talking. They both knew at that moment that they were destined to be together. Shira and Yoni have been married for five years and have two children.
There are times I want a fortune teller to predict who, when and where I’m going to meet my beshert. The little girl in me wants the fairy tale, but the realist in me understands the complications of dating. I believe that people come into your life at certain points for a reason. Six months before, Rachel and Matthew were not ready for a relationship but because there is a bigger picture that we are unaware of, their paths crossed again and fate guided them together.
Friday, March 9, 2007
I'm All Set
After two dates with Jake he was not returning my phone call or email. I did not quite understand why because we had great conversations, laughed and enjoyed each others company. When I go on a few dates with a guy and we have a good connection I don’t appreciate being avoided when he is "all set with me". I understand if he is not interested in me, but please let me know. Feedback will be a learning experience for the next guy.
I have been on the receiving end of this conversation and I have given this speech. I think one should be considerate of the other person and let them know that you are just not into them and it will not work out. Once Jake finally returned my phone call we had an honest conversation of why we are not good together but acknowledged that we are in the same circle of people and we should not burn any bridges. Jake and I agreed to be friends. One night this past week Jake was online and I asked him how he was doing. He told me he was doing well and that he was off to a date. Now I understand we are "friends" but I don’t feel comfortable just yet about him telling me his current dating life. There is a certain point where it is okay to be honest about ones current dates, but Jake and I are not there yet it in our “friendship”
There are rules when and where someone should say “I am all set with you”. One should never text it, email it, or say it in public. One should say it over the phone, while they are not distracted and be honest about why they do not think there is potential with that person. People deserve to be acknowledged and not avoided because there is a need for a sense of closure after getting to know someone on a basic level. Just to update my fans, Jake and I are friends, I never heard back from Avi, and I went on a very nice date with Izzy this past weekend.
I have been on the receiving end of this conversation and I have given this speech. I think one should be considerate of the other person and let them know that you are just not into them and it will not work out. Once Jake finally returned my phone call we had an honest conversation of why we are not good together but acknowledged that we are in the same circle of people and we should not burn any bridges. Jake and I agreed to be friends. One night this past week Jake was online and I asked him how he was doing. He told me he was doing well and that he was off to a date. Now I understand we are "friends" but I don’t feel comfortable just yet about him telling me his current dating life. There is a certain point where it is okay to be honest about ones current dates, but Jake and I are not there yet it in our “friendship”
There are rules when and where someone should say “I am all set with you”. One should never text it, email it, or say it in public. One should say it over the phone, while they are not distracted and be honest about why they do not think there is potential with that person. People deserve to be acknowledged and not avoided because there is a need for a sense of closure after getting to know someone on a basic level. Just to update my fans, Jake and I are friends, I never heard back from Avi, and I went on a very nice date with Izzy this past weekend.
Thursday, March 1, 2007
“Got It”
I tried to recreate my days of good old USY volleyball by joining Coed Jewish Sports (CJS). For $9 a week I can play four games of intense volleyball with other young adults. CJS is not solely for singles and as the director likes to brag, on average the score is four marriages a year.
There are seven to nine people on each team and there are two divisions. Division Tel Aviv is beginner level and Division Jerusalem is intermediate/advanced level. I am on division Jerusalem. I have come to terms with the fact that my team is the worst on the league and we have lost all but two games. I have also realized that I am not going to date anyone in my division due to the lack of selection. Just as I thought my luck was running out with men someone came my way at the most unexpected time.
This past Sunday I took a 45 minute nap in the afternoon and awoke at 5pm to wish for at least 20 more minutes of sleep, but I had volleyball at 5:30. I grudgingly put on my CJS cut t-shirt and sweatpants, threw up my hair, put on my knee pads and sneeks. I was not looking forward to another week of getting squashed on the court, but I went because I felt obligated to my team. It is fortunate that I went because only four of us showed up to play. Luckily, a member of Division Tel Aviv, Yitzchak, a.k.a. Izzy, was mistakenly misplaced and joined my team. When I first saw Izzy I thought he was cute and as we chatted I learned he was a mench. Izzy and I exchanged numbers and emails and so far we have emailed a few times. Stay tuned.
People have told me the best time to meet someone is when you are not expecting it. When I go out to social events I am all done up with makeup, clothes and hair but it is nice to meet someone when I am just me shouting for a ball and then missing it while turning around and saying, “oops, sorry!”
There are seven to nine people on each team and there are two divisions. Division Tel Aviv is beginner level and Division Jerusalem is intermediate/advanced level. I am on division Jerusalem. I have come to terms with the fact that my team is the worst on the league and we have lost all but two games. I have also realized that I am not going to date anyone in my division due to the lack of selection. Just as I thought my luck was running out with men someone came my way at the most unexpected time.
This past Sunday I took a 45 minute nap in the afternoon and awoke at 5pm to wish for at least 20 more minutes of sleep, but I had volleyball at 5:30. I grudgingly put on my CJS cut t-shirt and sweatpants, threw up my hair, put on my knee pads and sneeks. I was not looking forward to another week of getting squashed on the court, but I went because I felt obligated to my team. It is fortunate that I went because only four of us showed up to play. Luckily, a member of Division Tel Aviv, Yitzchak, a.k.a. Izzy, was mistakenly misplaced and joined my team. When I first saw Izzy I thought he was cute and as we chatted I learned he was a mench. Izzy and I exchanged numbers and emails and so far we have emailed a few times. Stay tuned.
People have told me the best time to meet someone is when you are not expecting it. When I go out to social events I am all done up with makeup, clothes and hair but it is nice to meet someone when I am just me shouting for a ball and then missing it while turning around and saying, “oops, sorry!”
Friday, February 23, 2007
Lowering Expectations
If I lower my expectations for the night, will I be less disappointed in the outcome?
Last week I went on a date with Rafi. My expectations for the night were high because Rafi and I have gone on a few dates and we have chemistry. Rafi has the same level of Jewishness as me, attractive, well traveled, intelligent, and driven. Rafi is basically everything I am looking for in a mate.
I met Rafi at his condo and we walked down Moody Street in Waltham to a great sushi restaurant. On the walk over, Rafi told me that he wasn't that hungry and he was going to eat light. The thought ran through my head, why are we going out to eat if you are not hungry? I ordered some seaweed soup and a sushi roll and Rafi ordered Miso Soup. The Miso soup did not come when my food came, so he canceled the order and he watched me eat. This was the first awkward moment of the night.
After I finished my dinner, we walked over to the movie theater, but arrived too late and the show was sold out. We decided to go back to his place and watch a Netflicks video. Rafi flipped the fire on, lit a candle and sat at the other end of the couch - our second awkward moment.
Next came the best part of the night. The movie ended up being a one and a half hour documentary on Al Jazeera during the Iraq War. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy learning about jihad, but not on a Saturday night date. We ended up talking about Middle East politics after the movie and he looked at me and said, "We have so much in common. I really enjoy being friends with you."
Am I missing something? I understand he may just not be into me, but if we are on the same level of Jewishness, intellect, life ambition and there is chemistry, why does he just want to be friends? However, now that Rafi and I are friends, can I be set up with his friends? Dating is all about networking, and his friend, cousin or co-worker might just be my beshert.
My expectations for the date were certainly high; however, now that Rafi and I are friends, I know exactly what to expect when we hang out. You can bet that “next time” won’t be on a Saturday night though.
Last week I went on a date with Rafi. My expectations for the night were high because Rafi and I have gone on a few dates and we have chemistry. Rafi has the same level of Jewishness as me, attractive, well traveled, intelligent, and driven. Rafi is basically everything I am looking for in a mate.
I met Rafi at his condo and we walked down Moody Street in Waltham to a great sushi restaurant. On the walk over, Rafi told me that he wasn't that hungry and he was going to eat light. The thought ran through my head, why are we going out to eat if you are not hungry? I ordered some seaweed soup and a sushi roll and Rafi ordered Miso Soup. The Miso soup did not come when my food came, so he canceled the order and he watched me eat. This was the first awkward moment of the night.
After I finished my dinner, we walked over to the movie theater, but arrived too late and the show was sold out. We decided to go back to his place and watch a Netflicks video. Rafi flipped the fire on, lit a candle and sat at the other end of the couch - our second awkward moment.
Next came the best part of the night. The movie ended up being a one and a half hour documentary on Al Jazeera during the Iraq War. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy learning about jihad, but not on a Saturday night date. We ended up talking about Middle East politics after the movie and he looked at me and said, "We have so much in common. I really enjoy being friends with you."
Am I missing something? I understand he may just not be into me, but if we are on the same level of Jewishness, intellect, life ambition and there is chemistry, why does he just want to be friends? However, now that Rafi and I are friends, can I be set up with his friends? Dating is all about networking, and his friend, cousin or co-worker might just be my beshert.
My expectations for the date were certainly high; however, now that Rafi and I are friends, I know exactly what to expect when we hang out. You can bet that “next time” won’t be on a Saturday night though.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
What's in a name?
Everything. When I go out with friends to a bar or social event that is not solely Jewish, I don’t have to wear a Megan David to state that I’m Jewish. My name, Esther Cohen, says it all. There are not many names that are more Jewish than mine, besides maybe my sister, Miriam Cohen. Names contain our identity. Cohen is the “Smith” of the Jewish world and my first name is biblical, which most of the time resembles a religious affiliation.
Last Saturday night, I was at a bar and started to chat with a guy next to me. I did not assume he was Jewish, though he was dark, short, stalky, and hairy—the usual Jewish characteristics. I introduced myself and he asked me if I was named after Queen Esther from Purim? I was a little taken a back and responded with an, “oh, so you're Jewish?" type of response. A few minutes into the conversation, I learned his name was Avi and we went on to speak for close to 20 minutes. As we parted ways, I gave Avi my card and he emailed me 2 days later. "Hi Queen Esther. It was great meeting you Saturday night. Hopefully I can see you before Purim.”
I have a date set up with Avi next week. Stay tuned.
Another time that my name benefited me was when I was traveling in London alone. After a long day of walking around the city I went to the Hilton Bar to have a glass of wine. I was chatting with some chaps and the bartender. When I went to pay for my drink the bartender asked if I was Jewish. I hesitated at first because I didn’t know his background, but I would never hide my religion, so I said yes. He smiles and asks me if I would join his family for Shabbat dinner the next night. All you have to do is smile and introduce yourself because you never know when you are going to meet your beshert.
Last Saturday night, I was at a bar and started to chat with a guy next to me. I did not assume he was Jewish, though he was dark, short, stalky, and hairy—the usual Jewish characteristics. I introduced myself and he asked me if I was named after Queen Esther from Purim? I was a little taken a back and responded with an, “oh, so you're Jewish?" type of response. A few minutes into the conversation, I learned his name was Avi and we went on to speak for close to 20 minutes. As we parted ways, I gave Avi my card and he emailed me 2 days later. "Hi Queen Esther. It was great meeting you Saturday night. Hopefully I can see you before Purim.”
I have a date set up with Avi next week. Stay tuned.
Another time that my name benefited me was when I was traveling in London alone. After a long day of walking around the city I went to the Hilton Bar to have a glass of wine. I was chatting with some chaps and the bartender. When I went to pay for my drink the bartender asked if I was Jewish. I hesitated at first because I didn’t know his background, but I would never hide my religion, so I said yes. He smiles and asks me if I would join his family for Shabbat dinner the next night. All you have to do is smile and introduce yourself because you never know when you are going to meet your beshert.
Thursday, February 8, 2007
A dangerous dinner date
For some reason food allergies seem to be a part of the Ashkenazi DNA. I was born with an allergy to all dairy products which means I will have an anaphylactic reaction to any dairy. Pills do not work and I carry my EpiPen. I was born with this allergy; I live a milkless life and always have.
Since many first dates involve food, the “dairy allergy” conversation has become a staple of my dating repertoire. On my first date with a potential last week, I gave the waitress the same shpeel I have been giving since I was able to talk ("I am allergic to all dairy, so please make sure this is not cooked in butter or has cream in it). Yes, I am difficult patron at restaurants but usually the chef is able to change some ingredients to accommodate my allergy. So the date with “Jake” is going well. He is smart, funny and interesting. After finishing our meal we go to a Jazz bar and I order a Key Lime Martini, never before an allergy hazard. Two sips into the drink, my throat and lips get very itchy. One look at the menu offers an immediate explanation: the Key Lime martini has Whip Cream in it! I tell Jake that I have to go to the bathroom to scratch my throat. Jake is quite amused and tells me he wants to hear my throat noise, which resembles a cat hocking up a fur ball, so in the middle of the nice Jazz bar, I start to scratch my throat. Jake laughs so I laugh about the situation. I drink a lot of water and eventually the itchiness decreases. Jake found this cute and decided to go home and try it out himself.
Maybe he is a keeper since he actually found my loud, hairball hacking throat scratch cute. Look, if I had my choice, I don’t think that I would expose my allergy or reveal my hocking fur ball noise on a first date. But if I’m stuck with it, maybe it’s better to have him know right off the bat that I’m different, and maybe it’s better for me to know that he’ll take me for it, for better or for worse.
Since many first dates involve food, the “dairy allergy” conversation has become a staple of my dating repertoire. On my first date with a potential last week, I gave the waitress the same shpeel I have been giving since I was able to talk ("I am allergic to all dairy, so please make sure this is not cooked in butter or has cream in it). Yes, I am difficult patron at restaurants but usually the chef is able to change some ingredients to accommodate my allergy. So the date with “Jake” is going well. He is smart, funny and interesting. After finishing our meal we go to a Jazz bar and I order a Key Lime Martini, never before an allergy hazard. Two sips into the drink, my throat and lips get very itchy. One look at the menu offers an immediate explanation: the Key Lime martini has Whip Cream in it! I tell Jake that I have to go to the bathroom to scratch my throat. Jake is quite amused and tells me he wants to hear my throat noise, which resembles a cat hocking up a fur ball, so in the middle of the nice Jazz bar, I start to scratch my throat. Jake laughs so I laugh about the situation. I drink a lot of water and eventually the itchiness decreases. Jake found this cute and decided to go home and try it out himself.
Maybe he is a keeper since he actually found my loud, hairball hacking throat scratch cute. Look, if I had my choice, I don’t think that I would expose my allergy or reveal my hocking fur ball noise on a first date. But if I’m stuck with it, maybe it’s better to have him know right off the bat that I’m different, and maybe it’s better for me to know that he’ll take me for it, for better or for worse.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Goldilox and the 3 bagels
You want to meet a nice Jewish boy. Your parents and grandparents want you to meet a nice Jewish boy. Question is: What kind of Jewish? The pool of single, eligible Jewish bachelors is small as it is but there is now even more of a selectivity with the “Jewishness” factor.
I grew up in a conservative household that kept Kosher and had a nice Shabbat dinner every Friday night. I attended a Jewish private day school, Jewish overnight camp and studied in Israel. My Jewish sense of self is strong and continually expanding. I need a mate that will compliment my background while learning and growing with me. My mate must have a specific level of ‘Jewishness’ so that our lifestyles will be compatible. Knowing this, I decided to experiment.
My first experiment was Sam, a modern orthodox 26 year old guy that lives in Brookline. I knew he would be able to teach and challenge me on many different cultural levels. We had great conversations and I actually found his kippa wearing sexy. I went on a few dates with Sam but overtime we were not able to compromise because he was more observant than me.
My next experiment was Nathaniel. The last time Nathaniel went to temple was his bar-mitzvah, 13 years ago. He loves lobster rolls and considers a cheeseburger with a glass of milk a staple in his diet. Even though Nathaniel was a great guy, I needed someone more observant in his Jewish lifestyle.
My third experiment was Jason who grew up with a similar background to me. He goes to temple twice a month, keeps kosher and enjoys keeping Jewish tradition. Though our levels of Judaism matched, he’s much too old for me.
Being in a relationship is all about compromise but how much should one compromise on their Jewish identity? If you meet someone whose Jewish identity means going to temple three times a year and eating Mazto Ball soup at the deli down the street, do you compromise knowing your Jewish identity is much stronger? I asked some married couples, and they said when it came to their level of Jewishness, there were no difficulties and they compromised. Hopefully, it is as easy as they say, but for now, does anyone want to grab a falafel at Rami’s?
I grew up in a conservative household that kept Kosher and had a nice Shabbat dinner every Friday night. I attended a Jewish private day school, Jewish overnight camp and studied in Israel. My Jewish sense of self is strong and continually expanding. I need a mate that will compliment my background while learning and growing with me. My mate must have a specific level of ‘Jewishness’ so that our lifestyles will be compatible. Knowing this, I decided to experiment.
My first experiment was Sam, a modern orthodox 26 year old guy that lives in Brookline. I knew he would be able to teach and challenge me on many different cultural levels. We had great conversations and I actually found his kippa wearing sexy. I went on a few dates with Sam but overtime we were not able to compromise because he was more observant than me.
My next experiment was Nathaniel. The last time Nathaniel went to temple was his bar-mitzvah, 13 years ago. He loves lobster rolls and considers a cheeseburger with a glass of milk a staple in his diet. Even though Nathaniel was a great guy, I needed someone more observant in his Jewish lifestyle.
My third experiment was Jason who grew up with a similar background to me. He goes to temple twice a month, keeps kosher and enjoys keeping Jewish tradition. Though our levels of Judaism matched, he’s much too old for me.
Being in a relationship is all about compromise but how much should one compromise on their Jewish identity? If you meet someone whose Jewish identity means going to temple three times a year and eating Mazto Ball soup at the deli down the street, do you compromise knowing your Jewish identity is much stronger? I asked some married couples, and they said when it came to their level of Jewishness, there were no difficulties and they compromised. Hopefully, it is as easy as they say, but for now, does anyone want to grab a falafel at Rami’s?
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Older Men
How old is too old? Through my search for Mr. Right, I have come across a lot of men who have 10+ years on my young 24. I know these older men are great guys but I hesitate to even consider them as options. Back a year ago, I dated a guy that was eleven years older than me and I knew after a month that the age gap was eventually going to come between us. Though our mental and physical connection was strong, our lives were at completely different stages. He wanted to settle down and I was just starting my career and graduate school at night.
Since my experience with my much older boyfriend, I’m hesitant to date an older man. I often wonder why men who appear charming, good natured and kind are still single in their mid to older thirties? Are they looking for someone so particular that they’ve turned down Jewish women who are amazing? What are their issues? Everyone has baggage but how much is too much?
Through asking men in there mid-thirties these questions, my consensus for their being single is a mixture of career, baggage and lifestyle as well as the desire to find a partner they truly connect with. People are marrying at a later age because they are first learning about themselves and then finding someone to appreciate the full package. My parent’s generation got married in their early twenties and unfortunately most of them got divorced in their forties. The generations since, have seen what divorce does to children and all parties involved and are less likely to jump into such a secure commitment without being 100 % sure.
As of right now I have my eye on three men in their thirties. They are established professionals, have a strong sense of self and are all around fun guys to spend time with. A connection is a connection and as a young goal driven women in my mid 20’s maybe age shouldn’t play such an important role as happiness is all that matters.
Since my experience with my much older boyfriend, I’m hesitant to date an older man. I often wonder why men who appear charming, good natured and kind are still single in their mid to older thirties? Are they looking for someone so particular that they’ve turned down Jewish women who are amazing? What are their issues? Everyone has baggage but how much is too much?
Through asking men in there mid-thirties these questions, my consensus for their being single is a mixture of career, baggage and lifestyle as well as the desire to find a partner they truly connect with. People are marrying at a later age because they are first learning about themselves and then finding someone to appreciate the full package. My parent’s generation got married in their early twenties and unfortunately most of them got divorced in their forties. The generations since, have seen what divorce does to children and all parties involved and are less likely to jump into such a secure commitment without being 100 % sure.
As of right now I have my eye on three men in their thirties. They are established professionals, have a strong sense of self and are all around fun guys to spend time with. A connection is a connection and as a young goal driven women in my mid 20’s maybe age shouldn’t play such an important role as happiness is all that matters.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
The Stand Up!
I awoke Friday morning with excitement; I had a date with Ross at 3:30 at Starbucks on Newbury. I met Ross through yet another event and we had been talking on the phone for a few weeks. Ross is attractive, smart, nice and overall appeared to be a great guy. Our date was to take place immediately after work so around 1 pm I text messaged Ross to confirm we were still on for coffee at 3:30. He replied immediately with a ‘Yes.’
I arrived at Starbucks with a few minutes to spare and there was no Ross to be found. I bought myself a tea and sat down with my book. As 3:45 rolled around, I began to grow a little impatient as Ross was still not there. I decided to text message him to make sure he was at the correct Starbucks on Newbury. I didn’t hear back.
After sitting at the coffee shop for 30 minutes, thinking about all the things I could be crossing off my To-Do List, I called Ross and left a voicemail saying I was leaving Starbucks. I was more annoyed that he wasted my Friday afternoon than the fact that he stood me up.
Around 5:30 the same night, Ross called and apologized profusely. His excuse was that when he was cleaning out his car he locked his keys and cell phone inside and had no way to contact me. I truly believed he was sincere but if he really wanted to see me then he could have gotten on the train and gone on the date, no matter if his keys were locked in his car or not.
How long do you wait for someone before leaving? Do you believe his excuse? Do you give him another shot if he asks you out again? My answers to these questions are: you call once after waiting 15 minutes and if he doesn’t answer then you leave 15 minutes later. The maximum to wait is 30 minutes.
So what happened with Ross and I? I believed his excuse and because he sounded so sincere I decided to schedule another date with him. Hopefully, he won’t stand me up again.
I arrived at Starbucks with a few minutes to spare and there was no Ross to be found. I bought myself a tea and sat down with my book. As 3:45 rolled around, I began to grow a little impatient as Ross was still not there. I decided to text message him to make sure he was at the correct Starbucks on Newbury. I didn’t hear back.
After sitting at the coffee shop for 30 minutes, thinking about all the things I could be crossing off my To-Do List, I called Ross and left a voicemail saying I was leaving Starbucks. I was more annoyed that he wasted my Friday afternoon than the fact that he stood me up.
Around 5:30 the same night, Ross called and apologized profusely. His excuse was that when he was cleaning out his car he locked his keys and cell phone inside and had no way to contact me. I truly believed he was sincere but if he really wanted to see me then he could have gotten on the train and gone on the date, no matter if his keys were locked in his car or not.
How long do you wait for someone before leaving? Do you believe his excuse? Do you give him another shot if he asks you out again? My answers to these questions are: you call once after waiting 15 minutes and if he doesn’t answer then you leave 15 minutes later. The maximum to wait is 30 minutes.
So what happened with Ross and I? I believed his excuse and because he sounded so sincere I decided to schedule another date with him. Hopefully, he won’t stand me up again.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Conquering the Date
When I get home from work, I change my clothes, put in my contacts, give my hair a quick blow dry, and put on some jewelry. I have a date with David* in a half an hour. Luckily, it is right down the street. I get to the bar first, order a drink and watch the TV, even though it is football and I am not paying too much attention. I have talked to David a few times online and once on the phone. The conversation was great, so my expectations are higher than normal for David. David walks into the bar and greets me with a warm hug and kiss on the cheek. He is well put together and on time.
So far so good.
As the night progresses, David and I are talking freely and laughing a lot.
The body language is magnetic. So what can I find wrong? Nothing. Unfortunately, this is not the usual case. To make a long story short, David and I ended up dating for a short period, but eventually, I did find something that I could not compromise on. So now we are friends. The relationship is not complicated at all and David is always happy to give a guy’s point of view about the rest of my romantic life.
When going on a first date, I can almost always know by the conversation, energy and excitement if this is a guy that I want to see again. As many people can be nervous on the first date, I usually give the guy a second chance, but most of the time I know in the first five minutes if this is going to be a wasted night or worth the effort. There have been guys that are very attractive physically, but when they open their mouth, they quickly become unattractive. There are also many guys that do not look like their picture and guys that only want one thing from that dinner (and it is NOT your opinion). As such, you need to be optimistic but wary. And so the search continues. But in the meantime, at least I get to try new places to eat.
Happy hunting!
So far so good.
As the night progresses, David and I are talking freely and laughing a lot.
The body language is magnetic. So what can I find wrong? Nothing. Unfortunately, this is not the usual case. To make a long story short, David and I ended up dating for a short period, but eventually, I did find something that I could not compromise on. So now we are friends. The relationship is not complicated at all and David is always happy to give a guy’s point of view about the rest of my romantic life.
When going on a first date, I can almost always know by the conversation, energy and excitement if this is a guy that I want to see again. As many people can be nervous on the first date, I usually give the guy a second chance, but most of the time I know in the first five minutes if this is going to be a wasted night or worth the effort. There have been guys that are very attractive physically, but when they open their mouth, they quickly become unattractive. There are also many guys that do not look like their picture and guys that only want one thing from that dinner (and it is NOT your opinion). As such, you need to be optimistic but wary. And so the search continues. But in the meantime, at least I get to try new places to eat.
Happy hunting!
Monday, January 8, 2007
If you love him, why try changing him?
I came across this insight on Ynetnews (singles section) and wanted to share it with my readers
"But really I think the desire to change others comes from our own lack of self satisfaction, not necessarily to be confused with self-esteem. It somehow seems easier to change someone else, rather than work on one’s self. Mistaken thinking, for sure, but I think that is the answer". - by Abigail Kasner
"But really I think the desire to change others comes from our own lack of self satisfaction, not necessarily to be confused with self-esteem. It somehow seems easier to change someone else, rather than work on one’s self. Mistaken thinking, for sure, but I think that is the answer". - by Abigail Kasner
Wednesday, January 3, 2007
Online Dating
Eight years ago, my father and his girlfriend met in an AOL chat room. Back then, meeting someone romantically in a chat room was not considered “kosher”. Today, however, there are hundreds of websites devoted to meeting your significant other, including a healthy handful that cater to the Jewish world of dating. I am proud to say I am a member of one such website.
Just like finding a job is a full-time job, so is Jewish online dating. One could easily get lost in the myriad of people who are apparently available. So what makes anyone stop and think, um, he looks interesting? First off is the picture. Sorry to say, but you need an attractive punim. Some words of advice for my potential future husband- Have it be a picture that is of just you, looking nice, and not goofing off with your buddies. Some pictures that make men more attractive are those that include a dog (but not a fluff dog) and maybe a niece or a nephew (just let me know it is not a daughter or son).
Your screen name is very important. It describes you! “OnenightinBoston”
makes you seem like a player. And “BostonJewishSingle” is not creative at all! Once those are taken care of, your zodiac sign can be an important piece of information. In fact, according to my research, most women will not consider you if you do not believe in the ancient predictions of the zodiac.
Once you have found someone who interests you, there are many decisions to be made. Do you send a message, flirt, Instant Message, send an ecard, or move him to your “hot list”? If you really think you and this person will click, an email or IM is recommended. If you only think this person is half way interesting, however, then maybe a flirt is sufficient.
Last night, I sent a message to an interesting fellow and it read: “Hey, I saw that you traveled to New Zealand, so have I and I loved it. Where did you travel in NZ?” I always end with a question so they have to respond. The world of online dating is fascinating and I recommend to get out there and click!
Just like finding a job is a full-time job, so is Jewish online dating. One could easily get lost in the myriad of people who are apparently available. So what makes anyone stop and think, um, he looks interesting? First off is the picture. Sorry to say, but you need an attractive punim. Some words of advice for my potential future husband- Have it be a picture that is of just you, looking nice, and not goofing off with your buddies. Some pictures that make men more attractive are those that include a dog (but not a fluff dog) and maybe a niece or a nephew (just let me know it is not a daughter or son).
Your screen name is very important. It describes you! “OnenightinBoston”
makes you seem like a player. And “BostonJewishSingle” is not creative at all! Once those are taken care of, your zodiac sign can be an important piece of information. In fact, according to my research, most women will not consider you if you do not believe in the ancient predictions of the zodiac.
Once you have found someone who interests you, there are many decisions to be made. Do you send a message, flirt, Instant Message, send an ecard, or move him to your “hot list”? If you really think you and this person will click, an email or IM is recommended. If you only think this person is half way interesting, however, then maybe a flirt is sufficient.
Last night, I sent a message to an interesting fellow and it read: “Hey, I saw that you traveled to New Zealand, so have I and I loved it. Where did you travel in NZ?” I always end with a question so they have to respond. The world of online dating is fascinating and I recommend to get out there and click!
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