Goldilox and the 3 bagels

You want to meet a nice Jewish boy. Your parents and grandparents want you to meet a nice Jewish boy. Question is: What kind of Jewish? The pool of single, eligible Jewish bachelors is small as it is but there is now even more of a selectivity with the “Jewishness” factor.

I grew up in a conservative household that kept Kosher and had a nice Shabbat dinner every Friday night. I attended a Jewish private day school, Jewish overnight camp and studied in Israel. My Jewish sense of self is strong and continually expanding. I need a mate that will compliment my background while learning and growing with me. My mate must have a specific level of ‘Jewishness’ so that our lifestyles will be compatible. Knowing this, I decided to experiment.

My first experiment was Sam, a modern orthodox 26 year old guy that lives in Brookline. I knew he would be able to teach and challenge me on many different cultural levels. We had great conversations and I actually found his kippa wearing sexy. I went on a few dates with Sam but overtime we were not able to compromise because he was more observant than me.

My next experiment was Nathaniel. The last time Nathaniel went to temple was his bar-mitzvah, 13 years ago. He loves lobster rolls and considers a cheeseburger with a glass of milk a staple in his diet. Even though Nathaniel was a great guy, I needed someone more observant in his Jewish lifestyle.

My third experiment was Jason who grew up with a similar background to me. He goes to temple twice a month, keeps kosher and enjoys keeping Jewish tradition. Though our levels of Judaism matched, he’s much too old for me.

Being in a relationship is all about compromise but how much should one compromise on their Jewish identity? If you meet someone whose Jewish identity means going to temple three times a year and eating Mazto Ball soup at the deli down the street, do you compromise knowing your Jewish identity is much stronger? I asked some married couples, and they said when it came to their level of Jewishness, there were no difficulties and they compromised. Hopefully, it is as easy as they say, but for now, does anyone want to grab a falafel at Rami’s?