“Fine, I’m not going to talk to you all day tomorrow.” I exclaimed to Ruben over the phone. “Ya right! I bet you can’t hold to that promise.” Ruben stated sarcastically back to me. “Oh ya, you want to see? Goodnight.”
I threw the phone on the bed, stomped off to the bathroom, and cursed under my breath. The phrase never go to bed angry now makes sense because it only creates dark circles under ones eyes.
Ruben and I hit our first milestone, the first fight, however, it is worse over the phone because of unknown body language and no eye contact. For a relationship to bloom it is imperative to fight. Through my Masters program I learned that for a team to become a High Performing team they need to go through four stages: Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing. Without the storming stage a relationship, whether professional or personal, won’t move to the next level of understanding each other which is vital for the success of a relationship.
The next day, being the stubborn, hot-headed Scorpion woman I am, I did not call, text or email Ruben. It was hard at first but I found that I was more productive than usual at work and at home. That night I turned off my cell phone and left it at home while I went for a long walk around Brookline. I contemplated why after a long time of not having that special person to talk to everyday, it was hard for me to miss one day of not having some sort of contact with Ruben. I guess it is because I kind of care about him.
Anyway, I stuck to my word and did not contact him, however, he missed me a lot and texted me that night while I was watching my show. I told him I would call him after my show was over. Through this milestone Ruben and I learned a lot about each others communications styles, thresholds and how both of our stubborn personalities hinder our communication. The only aspect of this fight that is missing is the makeup kiss. I guess it will have to wait until I see him in a couple of weeks.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Making Eyes
Eyes are the gateway to the soul. This past weekend I attended a beautiful wedding. The couple did not have to say I love you to each other because I could see it in their eyes. Just by their eye contact I knew how much they cared for each other and that they were happy to be together.
Eye contact is a nonverbal form of communication that is of outmost importance when engaging in conversation whether on a date or in an interview. Pupils dilate when a person is aroused and studies have proven that people with dilated pupils are more attractive. As one of my coworkers mentioned, making eyes at someone across the room draws you to that person and gives you a glimpse of their magnetic personality. Eye contact is an essential part to a good date. If there is a lack of eye contact, then the date can go horribly bad.
My roommate, Erica, came home irritated the other night because Josh, a guy she has gone on a couple of dates with, looked at her in the eye only a hand full of times during their two hour date. Josh was facing the door and Erica was facing the back of the restaurant. Josh kept on looking past Erica at people going in and out of the door and at the people seated around him. He seemed distracted and inattentive to Erica. Erica asked him if there was something wrong. He said no, and shrugged his shoulders while looking down to cut into a piece of chicken. Erica knew from the lack of eye contact that there was not going to be another wasted evening with Josh. His lack of eye contact was unattractive, but also she knew his attention did not lye on her.
You don’t have to be an intuitive person to understand where your date’s or significant other’s attention is. All you have to do is follow their eyes. How do you act or what do you say when their eyes are focused on another person or the door? Do you imitate them and not give them the satisfaction of attentiveness? Through research, a.k.a. asking my friends, the conclusion is, make it into a joke. Laugh it off and that way you won’t come home irritated like Erica.
Eye contact is a nonverbal form of communication that is of outmost importance when engaging in conversation whether on a date or in an interview. Pupils dilate when a person is aroused and studies have proven that people with dilated pupils are more attractive. As one of my coworkers mentioned, making eyes at someone across the room draws you to that person and gives you a glimpse of their magnetic personality. Eye contact is an essential part to a good date. If there is a lack of eye contact, then the date can go horribly bad.
My roommate, Erica, came home irritated the other night because Josh, a guy she has gone on a couple of dates with, looked at her in the eye only a hand full of times during their two hour date. Josh was facing the door and Erica was facing the back of the restaurant. Josh kept on looking past Erica at people going in and out of the door and at the people seated around him. He seemed distracted and inattentive to Erica. Erica asked him if there was something wrong. He said no, and shrugged his shoulders while looking down to cut into a piece of chicken. Erica knew from the lack of eye contact that there was not going to be another wasted evening with Josh. His lack of eye contact was unattractive, but also she knew his attention did not lye on her.
You don’t have to be an intuitive person to understand where your date’s or significant other’s attention is. All you have to do is follow their eyes. How do you act or what do you say when their eyes are focused on another person or the door? Do you imitate them and not give them the satisfaction of attentiveness? Through research, a.k.a. asking my friends, the conclusion is, make it into a joke. Laugh it off and that way you won’t come home irritated like Erica.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Googler beware
“Hey Esther, I don’t know if you remember me, but we met Saturday night. I hope this is your email, I googled you. Email me back if this is you and I would like to get together this week. – Todd”
The internet has changed the way we date, who we date, and how we research someone we are going on a date with. When I got the email from Todd I felt my personal life invaded, however I google guys that I meet to gain knowledge about them therefore I can not complain that I feel my personal life meddled in; although my personal life is known by all Jewish Advocate readers. To what extent has Google, Myspace and Facebook changed the way we date? Is the internet too invasive in our personal life?
Through searching google I have found people’s dissertations, college photos, resumes, and place of employment. I have not found anything too weird but I have heard stories of people finding disturbing photos and past employment.
The internet can be as invasive as you make it. CNN.com had an article last week about googling a date which stated one should take the information gathered on google with a grain of salt and be ready to handle information that can be disturbing. A person can be very excited about a person they met but if they google them and find something that concerns them they have to be prepared how to process that new found information.
So I googled Todd and found that his place of employment is legit, his high school running times and a research grant he wrote for a biology class. However, there was a reason I did not give Todd my contact information. Even if I was not dating R, Todd was parve. Also, when finding someone on google that you met at an event or bar, do not tell them you googled them. It is a tad on the stocker side.
Has google diminished the “old fashion way” of gathering information? About five years ago people started researching each other through google instead of conversing with each other about their lives. I use google as a tool but not as an indicator of the person’s likes and dislikes, personality, or pass judgment on their google outcomes.
The internet has changed the way we date, who we date, and how we research someone we are going on a date with. When I got the email from Todd I felt my personal life invaded, however I google guys that I meet to gain knowledge about them therefore I can not complain that I feel my personal life meddled in; although my personal life is known by all Jewish Advocate readers. To what extent has Google, Myspace and Facebook changed the way we date? Is the internet too invasive in our personal life?
Through searching google I have found people’s dissertations, college photos, resumes, and place of employment. I have not found anything too weird but I have heard stories of people finding disturbing photos and past employment.
The internet can be as invasive as you make it. CNN.com had an article last week about googling a date which stated one should take the information gathered on google with a grain of salt and be ready to handle information that can be disturbing. A person can be very excited about a person they met but if they google them and find something that concerns them they have to be prepared how to process that new found information.
So I googled Todd and found that his place of employment is legit, his high school running times and a research grant he wrote for a biology class. However, there was a reason I did not give Todd my contact information. Even if I was not dating R, Todd was parve. Also, when finding someone on google that you met at an event or bar, do not tell them you googled them. It is a tad on the stocker side.
Has google diminished the “old fashion way” of gathering information? About five years ago people started researching each other through google instead of conversing with each other about their lives. I use google as a tool but not as an indicator of the person’s likes and dislikes, personality, or pass judgment on their google outcomes.
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