Older Men

How old is too old? Through my search for Mr. Right, I have come across a lot of men who have 10+ years on my young 24. I know these older men are great guys but I hesitate to even consider them as options. Back a year ago, I dated a guy that was eleven years older than me and I knew after a month that the age gap was eventually going to come between us. Though our mental and physical connection was strong, our lives were at completely different stages. He wanted to settle down and I was just starting my career and graduate school at night.
Since my experience with my much older boyfriend, I’m hesitant to date an older man. I often wonder why men who appear charming, good natured and kind are still single in their mid to older thirties? Are they looking for someone so particular that they’ve turned down Jewish women who are amazing? What are their issues? Everyone has baggage but how much is too much?
Through asking men in there mid-thirties these questions, my consensus for their being single is a mixture of career, baggage and lifestyle as well as the desire to find a partner they truly connect with. People are marrying at a later age because they are first learning about themselves and then finding someone to appreciate the full package. My parent’s generation got married in their early twenties and unfortunately most of them got divorced in their forties. The generations since, have seen what divorce does to children and all parties involved and are less likely to jump into such a secure commitment without being 100 % sure.
As of right now I have my eye on three men in their thirties. They are established professionals, have a strong sense of self and are all around fun guys to spend time with. A connection is a connection and as a young goal driven women in my mid 20’s maybe age shouldn’t play such an important role as happiness is all that matters.

The Stand Up!

I awoke Friday morning with excitement; I had a date with Ross at 3:30 at Starbucks on Newbury. I met Ross through yet another event and we had been talking on the phone for a few weeks. Ross is attractive, smart, nice and overall appeared to be a great guy. Our date was to take place immediately after work so around 1 pm I text messaged Ross to confirm we were still on for coffee at 3:30. He replied immediately with a ‘Yes.’
I arrived at Starbucks with a few minutes to spare and there was no Ross to be found. I bought myself a tea and sat down with my book. As 3:45 rolled around, I began to grow a little impatient as Ross was still not there. I decided to text message him to make sure he was at the correct Starbucks on Newbury. I didn’t hear back.
After sitting at the coffee shop for 30 minutes, thinking about all the things I could be crossing off my To-Do List, I called Ross and left a voicemail saying I was leaving Starbucks. I was more annoyed that he wasted my Friday afternoon than the fact that he stood me up.
Around 5:30 the same night, Ross called and apologized profusely. His excuse was that when he was cleaning out his car he locked his keys and cell phone inside and had no way to contact me. I truly believed he was sincere but if he really wanted to see me then he could have gotten on the train and gone on the date, no matter if his keys were locked in his car or not.
How long do you wait for someone before leaving? Do you believe his excuse? Do you give him another shot if he asks you out again? My answers to these questions are: you call once after waiting 15 minutes and if he doesn’t answer then you leave 15 minutes later. The maximum to wait is 30 minutes.
So what happened with Ross and I? I believed his excuse and because he sounded so sincere I decided to schedule another date with him. Hopefully, he won’t stand me up again.

Conquering the Date

When I get home from work, I change my clothes, put in my contacts, give my hair a quick blow dry, and put on some jewelry. I have a date with David* in a half an hour. Luckily, it is right down the street. I get to the bar first, order a drink and watch the TV, even though it is football and I am not paying too much attention. I have talked to David a few times online and once on the phone. The conversation was great, so my expectations are higher than normal for David. David walks into the bar and greets me with a warm hug and kiss on the cheek. He is well put together and on time.
So far so good.
As the night progresses, David and I are talking freely and laughing a lot.
The body language is magnetic. So what can I find wrong? Nothing. Unfortunately, this is not the usual case. To make a long story short, David and I ended up dating for a short period, but eventually, I did find something that I could not compromise on. So now we are friends. The relationship is not complicated at all and David is always happy to give a guy’s point of view about the rest of my romantic life.
When going on a first date, I can almost always know by the conversation, energy and excitement if this is a guy that I want to see again. As many people can be nervous on the first date, I usually give the guy a second chance, but most of the time I know in the first five minutes if this is going to be a wasted night or worth the effort. There have been guys that are very attractive physically, but when they open their mouth, they quickly become unattractive. There are also many guys that do not look like their picture and guys that only want one thing from that dinner (and it is NOT your opinion). As such, you need to be optimistic but wary. And so the search continues. But in the meantime, at least I get to try new places to eat.

Happy hunting!

If you love him, why try changing him?

I came across this insight on Ynetnews (singles section) and wanted to share it with my readers

"But really I think the desire to change others comes from our own lack of self satisfaction, not necessarily to be confused with self-esteem. It somehow seems easier to change someone else, rather than work on one’s self. Mistaken thinking, for sure, but I think that is the answer". - by Abigail Kasner

Online Dating

Eight years ago, my father and his girlfriend met in an AOL chat room. Back then, meeting someone romantically in a chat room was not considered “kosher”. Today, however, there are hundreds of websites devoted to meeting your significant other, including a healthy handful that cater to the Jewish world of dating. I am proud to say I am a member of one such website.
Just like finding a job is a full-time job, so is Jewish online dating. One could easily get lost in the myriad of people who are apparently available. So what makes anyone stop and think, um, he looks interesting? First off is the picture. Sorry to say, but you need an attractive punim. Some words of advice for my potential future husband- Have it be a picture that is of just you, looking nice, and not goofing off with your buddies. Some pictures that make men more attractive are those that include a dog (but not a fluff dog) and maybe a niece or a nephew (just let me know it is not a daughter or son).
Your screen name is very important. It describes you! “OnenightinBoston”
makes you seem like a player. And “BostonJewishSingle” is not creative at all! Once those are taken care of, your zodiac sign can be an important piece of information. In fact, according to my research, most women will not consider you if you do not believe in the ancient predictions of the zodiac.
Once you have found someone who interests you, there are many decisions to be made. Do you send a message, flirt, Instant Message, send an ecard, or move him to your “hot list”? If you really think you and this person will click, an email or IM is recommended. If you only think this person is half way interesting, however, then maybe a flirt is sufficient.
Last night, I sent a message to an interesting fellow and it read: “Hey, I saw that you traveled to New Zealand, so have I and I loved it. Where did you travel in NZ?” I always end with a question so they have to respond. The world of online dating is fascinating and I recommend to get out there and click!